Monday, December 31, 2007
Hindsight
"Epilogue."
Dear all,
It has already been seven long years ever since the turn of the last millennium.
Damn, ten more of these and I'll be dead.
- - - - -
Time to look back on my past stuff and see what I have done:-
Get more arty-farty [√]I can't remember the last time I drew something. On the other hand, I discovered my love for the arts via dance and music. The chorale has been great to me.
Sleep at 10pm [X]I tried that for about two weeks. I gave up soon after. Who the hell sleeps at that hour?!
Concentrate on task jobs, [√]It hasn't been easy to concentrate fully on one sole project particularly, but it's been done a few times. The wonders of the human mind continues to astound me.
Learn new instrumentals [√]
AHAHAHA I CAN STRUM THE GUITAR NOW, DOES THAT COUNT?
Stop being an asshole [X]
Are you kidding?
Study everyday [√]
Every other day, probably. Every day? Pssshhhhhhh. On the other hand, does one count doing homework "studying"? If so, yeah, I studied everyday- Only because there's -always- mugging and homework to do in JC. Ugh.
Gain five kilograms [X]I lost two instead. =/
Start saving money, [√]I like my scrounging and saving... only for all of it to be spent on expensive wants later. Easy come, easy go.
Work out 3 times a week [X]
CHECK OUT MY MATCHING PIPES! YOU LIKE?
Stop procrastinating, [X]And the world would implode if that ever happened.
Start blogging 3 times a week! [X]Totally.
That's not bad, I managed about 45% of my resolution. Not a bad start, considering it was 0% the last... decade.
Follow-throughs aren't exactly a strong point. =x
- - - - - -
What about regret?I learnt many things along the way, so I don't regret the time I've spent in YJC. If anything, I actually did learn things. Things like responsibility, perseverance and limit-breaking, to name a few.
Surely there has to be some regret...Junior College life wasn't too bad, still-- life should be more than studies and results. And passion above all else.
Self-delusion now.And as I stood by the quay with Jasper and rest of the guys watching the fireworks, I remembered our promise to each other the previous year that should anyone of us get attached during 2007, we bring our other halves with us and celebrate the new year together.
He brought Lynnette.
I brought nobody.
Sigh.
Maybe everything happens for a reason.
Along the road the traveller takes, adventure and steps that he will make...Four more months before I actually start on my unchartered route towards a polytechnic education. In the meantime, who's to know what will happen, eh?
Work is of utmost priority, of course. I have to figure a way out around that whole JAE thing. Clerical jobs seem like a decent job even with my hands bound to my kids.
Also, I still have no idea what course I'm about to throw myself into. Something in the arts would be good. That limits my choice to about a hundred courses to take. Great.
I might start on a long-overdue project that was supposed to be two years ago. Of course, without proper expertise and resources, it'll be
fucking difficult.
This is going to be a difficult tim-
... For fools lie asunder their dark misdeeds, no crop sown will bear them seeds.Ah, might as well go for it.
With that said, DiwD will be on hiatus for the next three months unless the author decides that he's ready to return at an earlier date (like that's going to happen).
Till then, this is Don signing off to explore the world for all of its eccentricities and splendor.
Cheers.
Regards,
Don.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Checkpoint, Pt. 2
"Aren't rhetoricals supposed to be answered?.. Don't answer that."
It takes guts to continue;
to proceed with your job.
It's always procrastination
that never returns your lob.
And while learning to forgive
takes time to practice,
Learning to forget takes
a bout of amnesia.
People don't want to know
what's right or wrong.
They usually don't think
about it for very long.
Only when they realise
their deadly mistake,
they'd try their best to salvage
the situtation--
-- Yeah, like that's gonna work.
While there is
no better way to
keep score on things,
Money is a lousy way.
My best friend and I can do
anything or nothing
and still have the best time.
Actually, a stranger and I can do
anything or nothing
and still have the best time.
So take the chance
and party hard.
Then settle down
and make your mark.
Sometimes the people
you expect to kick you
when you're down
will be the ones
to help you get back up.
And at times when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.
But why be angry?
You'll just be punishing yourself
for someone else's mistakes.
True friendship continues to grow
even over the longest distance.
The same applies to true love.
There are many ways of
falling and staying in love.
And there is no better way
to describe it.
And there are people
who love you dearly,
and everyone has a few
somewhere or another.
They just don't know how to show it.
Make the first move and demonstrate.
Although the word "love"
can have many different meanings,
it loses value when overly used.
Never say what you don't mean.
But just because someone
doesn't love you the way you want them to
doesn't mean that they
don't love you with all they have.
Experience is about
counting the days that matter
rather than
counting the days that slipped by.
While trials and tribulations
forges a soul of strength,
optimism preserves it.
Never tell a child that
their dreams are outlandish.
A tragedy it would be
if they believe it.
Young hearts have strong potential
but weak frames.
Sad to say,
your family won't always
be there for you.
It may seem funny,
but people you aren't related to
can show the same amount of
care and concern
and teach you to trust people again.
Families aren't necessarily biological.
And no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you
every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
Still, it isn't always enough
to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn
to forgive yourself first.
Time and tide waits for no man;
The world doesn't stop for your grief.
Our background
and circumstances
may have influenced
who we are,
but we are responsible
for who we are,
and what we are becoming.
Credentials do not make you
a decent human being.
Morality does.
Two people can look
at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.
That's when differences step in.
My friends fight,
I'm forced to choose sides
even when I don't want to.
Moral dilemmas never fail to exist.
And so does irony.
When I sit on the fence,
that's when they unite...
... against me.
And no matter how hard
you try to protect them,
they will eventually get hurt
and you will hurt in the process.
And it's hard to determine
where to draw the line
between being nice,
not hurting people's feelings
and standing up for what you
b-e-l-i-e-v-e.
That's when we realise that
we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.
And just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean that
they don't love each other.
Similarly,
just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.
And one shouldn't be so
eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.
No matter the consequences,
those who are honest with
themselves get farther in life.
Of course, lying proves to be
effective in the short run.
That's where long-sightedness
come in.
Friends are mathematically impossible,
where amount accounts for nothing.
It's the kind of relationship you maintain
that quality counts for everything.
When you think
you have no more to give
and a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.
Of course, one's bound to be lonely
sooner or later
if you're always acting as the pillar.
Unless you crumble first.
And your life can be changed
in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.
Influence is a magical thing.
Writing, as well as talking,
can fulfill emotional needs.
It's a good stress reliever.
There's no excuse to go bitching
on the internet and via MSN.
Private blogs aren't private;-
The internet is never private.
People rarely practise
what they preach.
It has and always will be
a constant battle between
selfishness and selflessness.
And for all that's worth?
I've learnt that...
...it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.
Alas!
The paradigm that we live in
is not all that is offered to us.
Or is it?
Think about it.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Checkpoint, Pt. 1
"The following is tastefully edited from a certain idea that was ripped from a certain forum. That means I can't fudging remember where I first got inspiration for this."
CheckpointSeventeen years and a
false stop in act,
I've learnt plenty
with most of them fact.
Sense has been made
though less of them common,
Mistakes that appeared,
from what I would learn-
-that you cannot make someone love you.
Though you can try your best
All you can do is
be someone who can be loved.
(That's usually a test.)
The rest is up to them.
And sometimes,
no matter how much you care,
some people just don't reciprocate.
I'd have faith in them though.
They will someday, late
is always better than never.
It takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.
It takes decades to develop a relationship,
and only a wrong turn for a hit.
And that what
you have in Life isn't important,
but rather who
you have in Life that counts.
Charm gets you by pretty well
for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know
something or it's
respect-back guarantee.
Irregardless of how hot and steamy
a relationship is at first,
the passion will fade, prompting you
to replace infatuation's hearse.
Comparing yourself to the
best others can do is fine and dandy,
but trying to be the best you can do is
another matter altogether.
I'd prefer doing the best that others expect of me.
Whatever happens isn't important.
What we do about it is.
We are always responsible for our actions,
and no excuse can deny that.
An instance of negligence
can produce a lifetime of regret.
And no matter how thin you slice a cake,
there are always two sides
unless you slice them again.
Even then, you can't have your cake
and eat it too.
It is far easier to react
than it is to think.
It takes seconds to understand,
but hours or days for it to sink.
One should always leave
others with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
Spite them and it will not.
It has always been an issue
of mind over matter-
You can keep going
long after you think you can't.
Limits exist for a reason, though.
It is the attitude
not the aptitude
that determines the altitude.
And heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
There's a thin line, though,
between a hero and a moron.
-to be continued-
Friday, December 21, 2007
Another Closed Chapter
"I finally mustered up the discipline to write this post, weeks after the concert. It's almost time for the epilogue."
Dear Diary,
It has almost been half a year of practice, and it all boils down to this very day.
A combined performance with a 120-strong choir -and- the Singapore Symphony Orchestra, right at the very heart of Singapore's art scene- The Esplanade. What a way to end it.
I remember the months before that all of us would scuttle to and fro our classes, and start learning our pieces for the Christmas show. Always a fan of John Rutter's work ever since I first heard Et Misericordia, Mr Poon's decision for YJChorale to participate in such a concert was almost godsend (pardon the pun).
Perhaps it was the passion to perform (ooh alliteration) that made me commit to the concert even after quitting YJC. Maybe it were the people. On hindsight, definitely the people.
Eric would always come in with his signature "Make way, hot stuff coming through!". It has never failed to crack me up. It was eye-opening to see the professional choirs work with such zest, and a pleasure to meet jokers like Mus-- (You are damn lame, can?) There were times when we whined and complained of late practices (Mus did that alot), but still, there was this certain sparkle in his eyes that told of his willingness to perform. That, or I might have been hallucinating. Thick coffees right before choir practices do that to you.
Funny, there was always that certain affinity I felt with the choir, no matter how much segregated it was said to be. I doubt we differ much really, we're all here to sing. And that's all that matters.
Unless you're a stickler for perfection, but even that's understandable. Give it your best shot, and never say die until you actually are. Dr Goh (remember ah, I'm a doctor! I can give you MC okay!) gave us a final dry-run, corrected a few mistakes, and let us go. Well, not the tenors though.
All of us were instructed to occupy Mr Poon's room, and he made all of us change colour. Both literally and metaphorically. I have a vague recollection of turning green as I struggled towards a vibrato. I succeeded that night.
It's appalling to see a half a year's vocal training make a difference. Nonsense, that would be what Miss Yap would say if you said that you 'can't'. Maybe it was that very spirit that allowed me to hone my still-abysmal voice. It cracks less now. I've therefore come to a conclusion that I can't sing.
I'm still trying.
Break a leg. It's your big night. Just relax and enjoy everyone, you deserved it.Sure as hell we did. The crowd wasn't intimidating at all; The orchestra flagged the frontline.
A few minor adjustments and a flick of a wrist later, and we were all off.
Magnificat, magnificat. Anima Mea, dominum...The sheer intensity of the song was atomic. I could actually hear the sound resonate back to where I was standing. That's easily half a mile travelled.
Just think of how far human culture and technology has improved in order for us to perform such a piece, from scratch even. Dozens of different instruments, eight-part vocals all harmonizing into a vibrant assimilation of jubilancy.
All that, for a mere five minutes. That humble five minutes where everything else just didn't matter. It was you, your peers, the conductor (always keep an eye on the conductor!), and your audience. Nothing else.
It was when everything settled down to silent melancholy that a round of polite applause should break it.
Plenisunt caliet terra, gloria tua. Hossana et excelsis...That's where beauty transcends the set boundaries of language. A single non-conformity that implicates all senses, throwing all of them into chaotic disarray. With each and every different movement the audience was treated to melodic peace, abruptly interrupted by the foreboding layers of creeping, instilling fear. You don't know what to do or think anymore. You're enveloped by the climax. You are living the moment.
Salvation. You give your thanks and pledge allegiance. You bound around in joy. There is a nexus between you and your your benefactor. You can't feel any less protected than you already are.
Hark the herald angels sing, glory to the new-born king.Amen.And just when you thought that it was safe to breathe a sigh of relief?
"What would Christmas be without any carolling?" Oh right, the carols. It's Christmas after all.
We wish you a merry Christmas, and a happy new year...Less than a fortnight to the new year, and it's been a great ride.
Merry Christmas.
Signed,
Don