There are many things you do not know about Donovan.
Here are some things you might want to know.

(Inspired by a random e-mail and shameless rip-offs)

1. Donovan's tears cure cancer. But he is so badass, he has never cried. Ever.

2. If you can see Donovan, he can see you. If you can't see Donovan, you may be only seconds away from death.

3. Donovan has counted to infinity. Twice.

4. Donovan does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Donovan goes killing.

5. Donovan doesn't wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

6. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Donovan, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

7. Donovan once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

8. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Donovan out. It failed miserably.

9. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Donovan allows to live.

10. Donovan has been the only guy to have ever defeated a brick wall in a game of tennis.

11. Donovan doesn't churn butter. He punches the cows and the butter comes straight out.

12. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Donovan and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

13. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Donovan jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

14. Donovan originally appeared in the 'Street Fighter II' video game, but had the name changed to "Dan". The producer was never to be seen again.

15. Donovan once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

16. Donovan once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Donovan re-entered the Earth's atmosphere, streaking over 3 continents, 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3,000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA staff publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a meal.

17. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Donovan once swallowed a pacific turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

18. Donovan can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds, and then churn it into butter in his body.

19. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Donovan.

20. Donovan discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Donovan is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Donovan attacked Albert Einstein with his little finger. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

21. The Donovan military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Donovan unit could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

22. In an average living room there are 1,823 objects Donovan could use to kill you, including the room itself.

23. Donovan has wedgied Superman.

24. Donovan doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

25. Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Donovan. Not to be outdone, Donovan invented the car accident.

26. Donovan once beat the dictionary in a spelling bee. The dictionary then burst into flames by Donovan's single gaze.

27. Everyone knows that whenever a bell rings, a angel gets its wings. Few people, however, know that when an angel gets its wings, Donovan shoots an angel down. This is why so few churches use bells on Sundays today.

28. Energy cannot be created or destroyed, unless Donovan so wills it.

29. Donovan once heard someone say "It's not the heat that kills you, it's the humidity". Donovan threw him at the sun.

30. The battle of Boyne never happened the way it was to be. Donovan ate King William the day before, then took his place in battle.

31. On a scale of 1 to 10, Donovan kicks ass.

32. The first true moon landing occurred when Donovan entered a long jump competition. He then left a note to Neil Armstrong. The note wrote, "Say the following line - This is a small step for mankind..."

33. Donovan was once the F.B.I's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Donovan".

34. Donovan can pause live TV just by saying "pause".

35. There was going to be a Special Edition Deluxe Donovan toilet paper, but Donovan doesn't take shit from anybody.

36. Hell is waiting until Donovan dies before it freezes over. Hell will be waiting a long time.

37. Rainbows occur because Donovan likes them.

38. Donovan can survive for 17 years in the desert without a natural source of water due to his ability to squeeze water out of the surrounding air.

39. If Donovan wants to kick you, he will. And if he does, it will hurt. Forever.

40. Donovan beat the IBM Big Blue computer at chess in 3 moves. He had only two pawns and a checker.

Now that you know more about Donovan, don't fuck with him. Ever.