Don here.

There has been many queries and confusion about the Prom. Night's theme. So here at Vintage Apples, the author has kindly (ha, self-praise!) put up a few suggestions to aid those in need of a, um, fashion facade.

Don presents a:-

Craftily Re-considered And Patronising guide to school themes

(also referred to as the CRAP guide)



Event: Anderson Secondary School Graduation Ball year 2006.

Theme: Tooty-fruity An Enchanting Moment

Venue: Grand Hyatt Hotel, along Scotts Road

Problem: What the f*ck to wear.

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-Part I

Well, here are a few solutions...

1) Wear nothing.
2) Wear something formal.
3) Wear nothing.

It's your choice.
(But the author would beseech males NOT to follow Recommendations #1 and #3.)

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If you chose #1 and #3, great. Now move on to Part 3 of this guide.

If you chose #2, thank you. You have some common sense.

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-Part II

As for more specifics, the author recommends...

For Males,

-A bright green long-sleeved shirt with hot pink polka-dots.
-Checkered Suspenders.
-Mauve blazer with polka-dotted yellow and a large sewn dragon at the back.

For Females,

-Nothing would be good.
-Again, I persist. Wearing nothing would be breezier.
-Oh alright, just wear a leotard. With polka-dots.

In summary, anything with highly contrasting polka-dots is bound to be eye-catching. People who stare or giggle at you are just jealous.

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Part III

So you've now decided what to or what not to wear? Now comes the hard part.

"How do you go along with the theme?"

It's "an enchanting moment". You can go along with f*ck-anything!

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For males,

Enter in a newly polished Victorian battle suit. You're the 'knight in shining armour'!

Dress in green and you would have to take a bow with you. You're Robin Hood!

And if you really need to wear blue and/or are... fleshy, call yourself Moby Dick.

If all else fails, call yourself Prince Charming.



For females,

Enter in blue, you're Cinderella. But beware, return home after the stroke of midnight and you'll turn into a pumpkin.

If you wear anything else, carry a wand and call yourself a fairy-godmother.

And if anyone wears pink, console yourself. There'll be two more just like you to form the "three little pigs".
Beware though, there will always be the random guy posing as the "big bad wolf" to huff and puff and blow you away.



For all those going butt-naked, you're the big bad wolf.

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Problem solved.
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This is Don, signing off.