"I'm haunted by the fear of failure."

I'm finally done with the powerpoint slides and the videos for the Oral Presentation due tomorrow morning. Went through the scripts like, I don't know, twelve times?

Yeah, I'm -already- relieved for Project Work, even though one of its most significant component has yet to be completed. And to think I've been so indolent.

On the other hand, I'm more freaked out by the aspect of receiving the results for the promotional examinations. Yes, it's due tomorrow, 5th of November. You guys know the reason why the results are released so late.

*coffsopeoplewontbailonpwcoff* Yeah. Sorry about that. Bad cough.

It's quite a new low I'm getting right now, with the fear of retaining looming right before me. The rumours I've heard make me piss-less. <10% pass for Economics? <50% pass for Mathematics? I refuse to believe it... I think.

I've had enough punishment for now. The past weeks have had me drowning in self-pity, over my poor performance during the promos. I'm not blaming fate altogether, but urgh, this year is, and I quote, "so damn fucking suay".

Who would have thought that after mugging your ass off for Maths and Physics, you'll fall sick halfway through? Illnesses and examinations don't mix well. And even when I went to see the invigilators for an excuse (albeit a pitiful one), they tell me "there's nothing else we can do- you've already completed the exam". And I'm supposed to provide a medical certificate to certify my sickness. Meh.

Hell, I don't even think I'll score for Lit. It was said that the results for H1 Lit was released alittle too early, and when checked, I got a C. It wasn't really my day.

That, and I don't know how to face my parents. Or the rest of my family, for that matter. Ego aside, I feel that I've failed myself.

Self-persuasion (read:Delusion) has helped once again, but I doubt optimism exists within me anymore.

[emo] I don't know, really. I really don't. [/emo]

Bah. I've considered my options anyway.

Bad?

If I do not make it, I'll transfer to another school, hopefully they'll accept me into J2. Stamford Raffles JC, I hope. It's a drowning-in-a-river-straw-clutching move, but desperate times do call for desperate measures.

If not, I could always try for private schools. Take private A's, get it over and done with.

Or maybe consider Poly. Maybe, just maybe.

Good?

If I do actually get another chance at taking the exams again (in the form of Provisional Advancements or Sub-papers), then that'll be hella great. I've learnt my lessons. Constancy from now on. And purpose. *snort*


But who's to know? It's said that 'they've already decided on ya', so there's 'no point worrying about it anymore'.

Okay.

I'm just crossing my fingers really tight now.

And it hurts.