"Ohm mani pad mi ohm."

It has been a full transformation, I suppose. I think.

One could call it a 360 degree turn. (No, it's not a mistake.)

No, it isn't really one of the most momentous occasions in my life, but still, who's ever comfortable with Change?

I still remember Dad (Well, of course I do, sheesh. It's not like I suffered brain damage or something.) and his being mighty religious. Instilled in me are values from this Buddhist... way of life. Nothing could ever take these away from me, not even with him gone.

My values.

My paramita.

All my life has Avalokitesvara protected me from harm and danger. I've never had any serious injuries from any sport I played- On the other hand, I've never participated in any dangerous ones.

I was a daredevil, a risk-taker. Still, there was always this voice (common sense, I suppose) that always told me to stop "before it was too late".

A certain "gut feeling" always told me that something would be alright, and although I don't usually follow it (logic>dumb luck), it more than often turns out to be correct. Coincidence, I suppose.

No major accidents ever befell me, and even in emergencies was I actually -protected- from harm and danger. Now, it's not even about invincibility. I'm very sure that I wouldn't survive a ten-storey fall. Still, one couldn't help but think- Is there someone watching over me, or is it just common sense all along?

(Yes guys, harhar. I -do- have some common sense... I think.)

The Buddha Room has been converted (Mum's sole decision without any of my knowledge, goodness gracious) into a study room.

We're inviting Budai Lohan, Avalokitesvara and Parbawatiya away.

The laughing Buddha, the thousand-arm buddha and the buddha of wisdom.

Happiness, Protection, and Wisdom.

Seventeen long years of turning to them for guidance with life. I don't know. It feels discomforting in a spiritual way. It's almost like changing religion, even though I know that I am and will always be a Theravada buddhist.

Funny, really- I seem to have bonded with the Avalokitesvara and Parbawatiya. They seem to be the ones I always turn to when I try for deep meditation. Budai just... Laughs.

It's inexplicable.

Anyway, Mum's inviting Guan Yin to be in the house this Sunday. Auspicious day, whatnot.

Previous Buddhas out on Tuesday, resident Buddha invited on Sunday. That leaves four days of... lack of protection in the house? Mum seems to be a tad uneasy about this arrangement- And I won't kid anyone by saying I am fine with it, too.

Ah well, maybe it's all in the state of mind.

Oh, and guess what?

Seems like Avalokitesvara and Guan Yin are the same Buddha after all.

Sadu, sadu, sadu.

"Oh, look! Another inspirational post! Give the man a trophy!"

Sudz is right.

One must change first in order for change to happen.

Apparently, the lack of enthusiasm for school shows. Ya know, that or the tens of thousands of sighs and 'sians' that escape that orifice I call a mouth.

"Suck it up, Weiwen."

"I..."

"Suck it up."

Okay, so it was more of a chinese version. "Zhen zuo qi lai" sounds so much gentler.

Still, I think that pretty much slapped me awake.

Funny how I take to someone's - someone who I've only met only months back- advice so readily during this time. Any other person saying it at any other time would be deemed a nag and dispensed with quickly and horribly.

'Wake up, sunshine. It's another glorious day.'

What ever happened to the optimism I had?
Was my spirit broken?
Why am I doing this right now?

These are the questions that one finds hard to answer- Not because he doesn't know the answer; He just doesn't dare to face it.

So here's a short-term resolution...

• Don't say the word 'sian' anymore- A dollar will be put into a personal little jar for everytime I say it (good plan, really- it'll make me awesomely rich in savings).

• Sleep before the twelfth chime strikes.

• Evolve my lif.

Right, right. No more games. Poo.

And above all of these, there's an undergoing project that needs attending to...

Oh, and the nightmares have finally stopped.

Now that's some chicken soup for the soul.

"Die liao, die liao, die liao."

The calculator never lies.

At this rate, I'll have to score about Bs (in YJC's standard) for all of my subjects during the promotional examinations. And it's just around the corner right now.

And I quote Lamy, "There, around that corner. See, just over there. You can see it from here. So close."

I've lost the momentum, though. There has been tries to pick up the pace, and "sock-pulling", but of course, I never try hard enough. Physics baffle me now, and I barely understand what the Maths lecturer says half the time. And when I thought that Economics is fairly alright, most of what I understand were either 'incomplete' or 'totally wrong'.

Now, tell me if I'm being pessimistic, but...

... How in the bloody hell am I gonna promote at this rate?

It's like trying to run a marathon with blistered feet, aching joints, and a whole heck of analgesics plastered all over your sweat-covered body. You know you're gonna make it in the end, but you just don't know when.

I don't neccessarily feel afraid, however- Something in the back of my mind always reassures me that everything'll turn out for the better somehow or another- But look at the O's.

Contentment is one thing, but pure ecstacy is another. I don't know about happiness though- A thin line which I've yet identify separates them.

Is this another of those little curveballs?

Gotta get my head in 'da game.

"Only a few singes here and there, but we're all good now!"

The big ol' fire-breathing dragon won.

Stupid reptile burnt me good. My arsenal of toothpicks were no match for his single breath of fire.

I escaped with 11/100 for the entire mathematics block test.

Hurrah.

The results are mostly out, GP and KI not known yet. As for the rest, I got horrid results- U being ungraded. It's sad, really, when your paper is so badly done the grade given is non-existant.

So then, the grades are as follows...

Literature- B

I gotta rant about YJC's double standards. Apparently, 70-75 is YJC's B standard, while 70+ is an A in the other colleges. I want my A. >=(

Mathematics- U

Like we all don't know how hopeless I am at Math. That, or the lack of practice. *grins*

Physics- U

Ahahahahahahahahahahaha. Okay, that prolly should have NEVER happened. I blame my lack of homosexuality.

Economics- U S

Rumours has it that 9% of the entire cohort passed. It's an all-time low!

-Edit: Oh damn, looks like I got a low S for Economics instead. Damnit. I can't make a word outta it now.-

That brings my total count of subject grades to a...

BUUUS.

Gawdamnit! It was as though my report card was freakin' laughing at me.

And yes, I gotta go for some Saturday Study Programme where they make sure you'll have to be in school between the hours of 9AM to 2PM.

Right, like anyone could study on a Saturday morning.

Ah well, better luck next time.