"Fatigued beyond comparison."

Wa, sian.

Whatever I said a few days ago of me being back- Scratch that.

I hit rock-bottom yesterday.

Had another of those tiffs with Mum. Seriously, the stuff we quarrel about are too petty to even be considered... Stuff.

To those who were there that day, I thank you for being there, and apologise for your having to put up with this bullshit- Like everyone else hasn't had enough of this.

But anyway, I don't give a damn anymore.

I'm still going to have to give a damn about her, I'm just not givin' a damn to anything else in general for now.

I think I'm mentally scarred by this whole thing.

So then, I'm takin' up any offers for a counsellor. That, or I throw myself into Woodbridge for a few days or so, lar. Right after all of these, of course.

At least I can get some studyin' done in there.

Totally knocked out last night. Came back at 8PM, bathed, then slept at 8.10PM or something.

Rudely woken up by a nosey relative who asked what happened at 12AM. Grunted, cut the phone line, then went back to sleep... at 2AM.

Ironically, I was reading "Etiquette for Dummies" amongst other books found in the study room.

My courtesy has its limits.

Figures- There's actually point where optimism runs out. I'm tapping into reserves now.

It's pathetic, really, when you finally realise that logic doesn't solve everything- And you have to grapple with the concept of fate- or faith.

Hope? Yeah, a tiny sliver of that remains.

Just barely.

They say adversity builds character. I don't feel myself getting stronger or anything.

What I'm most disappointed in is myself. It seems to be like whatever I have been doing has been for nought.

I snapped.

So I'm human. I feel emotions.

The ache of sadness, the anguish of hatred and anger.

That moment of hopelessness within yourself, as you sit in a corner to ponder upon all your misdoings- You wonder whether you've made all the right choices.

You start questioning, and as the more you questio, the more lost you get.

The compass of wisdom didn't seem to be providing any directions, either. You had enough of that experience to find the way yourself- You just didn't know where to start from.

That has to be the emotional baggage I'm holding on to.

And every time you try to pick yourself up- You are knocked down by another scornful remark. Even when you know that you're numb to them already.

I feel so damn emotional now for this matter- Is this what they call 'teenage mood swings' or something? I fail to understand.

Maybe that's my flaw- My belief of self-infallibility and invincibility.

While I'm invincible, I'm still fallible after all.
(Hell yeah, I'm invincible.)

There, I said it.

Okay, now to pick myself up one more time, scrape the dust off my wounds and continue again. Right after this good night's sleep.

Come on, Adversity.

Give me your very best shot.

UPDATE:-

Paint is almost done. The people doing the cornices aren't exactly a punctual lot of people- They're delaying everything.

My room is finally done- 'cept for the air-conditioner. Need to get me-self a bed and a table- Not to mention start savin' up for another computer. Damn it.

Damn pimples are back. They have invaded my forehead again. And they come in tens. Urgh.

Again, pictures will be updated soon- I haven't had time for all of these; typing in a rush.

For those asking, I'm putting up at Wei Hong's house- A stone throw's away from my own. He has kindly allowed me to put up in his study room for a week or so as I clear this mess up.

And as for computer and MSN?
Oei, people also have computer what.

TO-DO LIST:-

Fix the air-conditioners.

Fix the cornices.

Finish painting the door.

Get a bed.

Get a computer table.

Save for a computer.

HOMEWORK.

SLEEP.

Bah, I'll settle the rest another time.

Time for a pit-stop.