How pigs don't fly and canned drinks fizz.
Taught to follow, never to lead.
It's no wonder I've lost my seed.
Confess! - I spite authority.
Except one detail I sorely miss.
Same bozos there- all in plain sight.
Them records determine your birthright.
A degree.
Degree, they say, bring much prowess.
T'was once a student, now a mug.
Whilst longing for that hopeful hug.
This hug, they say, is joy and pride.
From those you know, all coincide.
A social bane in my respect.
Where quizzes gauge the intellect.
sow.
I hint of no upcoming hearse.
Got your attention? Then hear me.
'Cos I'm the Youth @ dot Ass Gee.
Oh yeah.
I'm finally in my element.
Time to get downright anal.
Social issues, right.
.
.
.
I'm typing this at 1.37AM in the morning, after five long hours of tech. support. I tell you, long-distance help is as good as no help at all.
This was basically the faeces that I waddled through. Barefooted.
I'll try to complete typing this while not imploding.
Stupidity's a social issue.
.
.
.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Tech. Support: Hello, welcome to Linksys Support! My name is Candy, how may I help you today?
Me: Yeah, hi there. My wireless router doesn't allow me to connect to the internet. I need to know the firmware version that I have to downlo-
Tech. Support Candy: May I have your name?
Me: Er, yeah. Don. So as I was sayi-
Tech. Support Candy: What model of router are you using?
Me: WUSB54G.
Tech. Support Candy: D?
Me: G.
Candy: Z?
Me: No, G. For giraffe. It's the wireless one.
Candy: Excuse me, sir?
Me: G. For Ginko. Girl. Gorilla.
Candy: Oh! G, you mean?
Me: Yes, Geeeee!
Candy: I see, sir.
Me: Now then, I need to know the versi-
Candy: Now sir, may I have your e-mail address and phone number for our records?
Me: Can we do that alittle later? I just need to know whether it is Version 4.2.1.1.0 or-
Candy: Please sir, we need this for verificati-
Me: Ah, alright alright.
.
.
.
Me: Okay, can we finally start now?
Candy: Yes sir, but first I have to check- Are you using a wireless router right now?
Me: ... Yes. I just need to know the firmware and driver's latest ver-
Candy: Okay, can you please go to 'Start' and then 'Run'?
Me: What for?
Candy: You need to type in 'ipconfig' after you run 'cmd'.
Me: No, I've already located the problem, I just need the firmware so I can-
Candy: What is your current IP Address, sir?
Me: I just need to know the current-
Candy: The address, sir?
Me: ......
.
.
.
45 minutes later...
.
.
.
Idiot Candy: Sir, I suggest you uninstall your router software if-
Me: No, I don't NEED to unnistall the rout-
Idiot: Then I suggest you bring in on-site tech support, which will be avail-
Me: I just need the firmware-
Idiot: You don't understand, sir.
Me: No, look. You don't understan-
Idiot: Sir-
Me: VERSION. LATEST. MY MODEL. NOW!
Idiot: I don't understand, sir.
Me: v4.2.1.1.0, is that the latest version? XP-compatible?
Idiot: Your control pan-
Me: NO! Focus! Concentrate! Is it the latest version of the driver?
Idiot: Um, ummm... let me check, sir. Please wait as I put you on hol-
Me: NOOO!!
-puts on hold-
Me: .................................
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.
10 minutes later...
.
.
.
Idiot: The latest version is v420051110 (or something), sir.
Me: Wait.
-Installs new driver and firmware-
*Wireless Network Connection successfully connected.*
Me: Great. It works now.
Idiot: Anything else, sir?
Me: No. I'll be off now. Thanks.
Idiot: Thank you for using Linksys Support. Your case number is-
Me: It's really alright, really.
Idiot: The number is...
.
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.
Idiot: Okay then, sir. Would you like to verify your particulars once more?
-slams down phone-
Mum( from living room) : BOY! HELP! MY COMPUTER NOW NOT WORKING! DID YOU TOUCH THE INTERNET AGAIN?
Me: I INSTALLED NEW FIRMWARE!
Mum: MY COM DOESN'T WORK NOW!
Me: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO REPAIR LAPTOP CONNECTIONS!
Mum: CALL TECH SUPPORT!
Me: ...
.
.
.
Tech. Support: Hello, welcome to Linksys Support! My name is
Candy, how may I help you today?
Me: .........................
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Seriously, people. It's no wonder people like that Cho guy from Virginia Tech. went on a rampage.
I attribute majority due to tech. support.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
But I digress.
Anyway, something pretty amusing happened.
Mother and I was out, apparently just window-shopping and catching up. There were a few beautiful stained-glass windows, and it was more of her catching up to me- I was walking fast.
Alright alright, I won't be lame..
.
.
So then,
we Mum decided to see a fortune-teller. Ya know, just for the heck of it.
Just for the heck of it? I mean, what the hell were you thinking?
The fortune teller was brief.
Wrote down our birthdates and address, favourite food, exam grades, company name...
Okay okay, so it was just the birthdates.
He looked at Mother's palm first, and I think he could see that I wasn't much of a believer.
Must have been my staring and grunting.
He looks at my Mum's face, then palm, then face again.
"You have had a hard life..."Wow, genius. Everyone thinks they had a hard life when they were young.
"But it's better now..."GASP! Maybe it's because of Mum's Louis Vuitton. Ya think?
Mum's supposedly going to live till her 70s. Mum shooed me away for the rest of the information. Boo.
So then, it's my turn in the guillotine.
He looks at my palms, then my face, then my palms again. The incense was surprisingly aromatic.
"Impulsive, needs to control his rage."
Must... Resist... Urge... To... Strangle..."Miss, is it right that this boy has some trouble with respect?"
"Yeah, very 'no big no small' one."
... I will eat all of you up."This boy has strong eyebrows. He has only two paths- Good and Evil."
Duhh! Got third one, meh? Neutral ah?!"Keep him in the path of good. Don't let him stray," he tells Mother.
And just when I thought that Mother was going to shrug it off as a general remark--
"Yes, I've been doing that all these years. The last fortune-teller-"
Wait, so I already had my fortune told? So that means...
"Try not to enter bodies of water. It is your weakness. Because you're born under fire and metal--" I lost whatever else he was trying to say.
"So what about accidents?" I had to ask. Just in case, you know?
"Your only demise will be water."
Basket, liddat I can drown while drinking, lor.
So, I'm technically invincible, la.
Alot of other hoo-haa about my other stuff. I refused to hear when I'll get married, or the best age, whatever.
It kinda ruins the whole element of surprise Life throws at you.
So then we said our 'thanks' and my 'oh gawd, it's over? Already?'s .
Oh yeah.
Just... Just thanks. Yeah. Really.
But then his parting words struck me hard.
"Boy, you'll do very well in the government sector if you study hard and go there. It would most probably be your best choice of job."
Actually, it was more of "Xiao di di, du hao shu, qu zuo zheng fu. Ni you ben shi sheng gao zhi. Ran hou chong na li da shuan. Ru guo ni yi bi ye qiu cheng le sheng yi, hui hen rong yi shi bai."
Literal Translation- Little Boy, study book good, go do gahmen. You can get promoted. Then you decide from there. You'll fail if you start a business right out of graduation.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ouch.
There goes my (non-existant) hope and dreams of being a businessman.
But politics?
It's not like I can beat the Power of Three right now.
Maybe I'll just be content being a Durian and earn peanuts.
.
.
.
Depressing news, really.
MRT suicides have increased two-fold over the past decade; Latest one in Clementi, somemore.
It's not the suicides I'm worried about- It's more of the poor auntie or uncle that has to clean up that mess.
Oei, if you want to commit suicide, be considerate and do it privately, la.
It's bad enough that you threw your life away- Auntie has to spool away those pools of blood after it has coagulated. The police would investigate it, somemore. Waste of taxpayers' money, and poor Auntie!
What's worse- Your severed spleen may short the system and cause a MRT accident. Promotion offer, ah? 200 deaths for the price of 1?
Then poor Auntie has more to clean up.
She might as well be livin' under that public assistance. (It has been increased a friggin' $30! Woo!)
After all,
"We will look after the less educated and the elderly who have helped build Singapore."
Gahmen very considerate.
Considerate enough to eliminate corruption, too!
Who knew peanuts could have so much potential?
Careful though. Peanuts can give you a shitty day.
No wonder kind sir Lee gave up his peanut for the masses.
As a drone, I believe it is NOT 'obstentatious generosity' as what good sir V. Bala has said.
.
.
.
Wait, wait. You so happy for what?
All this are in lieu of Means testing in C wards and the 2% raise in GST.
Ya know, to 'narrow the widening income gap'.
Cleaning lady auntie would be so proud.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Social issues, no?
Cho just murdered 33 people, including himself.
Air strikes by LTTE in India- Cricket World Cup.
Hand, Foot and Mouth disease.
Indonesia bans sand export to Singapore.
Singapore voted 'one of most unfriendly nations' of the world.
Increased MRT suicides.
Call me pessimistic, but this is not boding well.
This is my take on THE social issue.
Everyone's in rush these days, none of them caring for one another.
No one stops anymore to smell the roses.
Anger is now replaced with hatred- And this hatred is strong.
Something's definitely going wrong somewhere.
Somewhere.
It's no longer about 'getting out of her elite uncaring face',
nor the always-increasing water bill.
It's just that-
Life was so much simpler then.
A social issue would be how Ah Huat lost his prized chicken,
Or something.
Everyone would then go look for it,
Find it,
Then eat it.
These days, you can get sued for eating that chicken.
Sure, thanks for the help-
But this is my chicken, paws off.
Okay, so we do have a few good samaritans.
They say one can make a difference.
But don't forget-
Good guys die early.
Assassination, lah.
Or that random maniac with a gun.
We are all killin' ourselves here.
Literally and metaphorically.
Luxuria, Gula, Avaritia, Acedia, Ira, Invidia, Superbia.
Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride.
The capital vices of our misery.
We rack our brains for solutions-
-And Dove starts a campaign to raise self-esteem in litle girls.
Motorola starts its 'RED' movement.
Bill Gates founds twenty charity organization(s).
Multi-national conglomerates with a master plan.
As effective as a kid with a toy hammer wanting to build a HDB flat.
Will they really help?
Or does the root of the problem lie in ourselves?
We wouldn't need solutions if
We didn't have problems in the first place.
I'm not saying 'ignore' it-
But don't trouble trouble unless trouble troubles you.
And don't say you cannot do anything about it.
If the front door closes on you,
Use the back door.
If the back door is guarded by rabies-infected pitbulls,
There's always that choice of bricks-
Throw bricks at the window and climb in,
NOT throw it at the dogs!
Are you mad?
Come now.
We already 'got together and did something'.
But what we really need to do is-
WORK together, and DO something.
I still have hope for a day
The news don't broadcast horrid news.
Maybe that will be a
Happily Never After.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It's anti-establishment?
No lah, this is just satire.
Don't
Gomez send me into exile!
I may be working for you, someday!
